Next 100 Years
by Elizabeth Anthony-Ashley
Summary: Part 3 of "The Amaranth Series"--Her beloved Shane has just died, and Amarantha McMahon tries to cope with the loss of the person she loves the most through a series of memories. (sexual content, adult language, angst)


Part 3 of "The Amaranth Series"  
  
  
  
The grass over the spot had finally started to grow. Amarantha was glad. She was sick of looking at the spot, with the growing grass that seemed to set it apart from the rest of the ground around it. She sank down to her knees and stretched out on the soft, green growth and sighed. She would probably pay for it later. She was horribly allergic to grass, but, at the moment, it didn't really matter.  
  
Through teary eyes, she looked up at the headstone in front of her. Shane Brandon McMahon Loving father, son, and brother. There was a picture of him on the headstone, one taken at the Cape a year before he died. On the back of the headstone, the words "Love eternally faithful" had been engraved at Amarantha's request. There was a spot on the front of the headstone staring at her. It read Amarantha Lorelei McMahon and it would be the place where she would be buried when it was her turn. Every McMahon had their own spot on the family burial plot, but Shane had specifically requested that Amarantha lay beside him for eternity. The cemetery where all the McMahons would be laid to rest was barely and acre from the McMahon mansion. Amarantha could see it from her bedroom window.  
  
As she lay thinking about it, the summer spent at the Cape had been the last happy time in her life-in the lives of all the McMahons. The whole family had been there, and there wasn't a dull day living in the beach house with six other people. Amarantha remembered every moment of that summer perfectly, the last summer that she would have with Shane.  
  
She remembered the smell of the ocean air, and the feeling of the cool air that always blew through the house in the morning before the day turned intolerably hot. The sounds of the triplets' laughter still rang in her ears. Brandon-who had insisted on being called Shane Jr. since his father's death-Hannah, and Cage were now 14, and they missed their father terribly. They loved going to the Cape because it was at the Cape that Vince always allowed them to buy whatever they wanted. A summer at the Cape translated into 'shopping spree,' and Hannah, like her mother, had an obsession with clothes, much to her grandfather's dismay. Amarantha could remember the fashion show she put one afternoon after a morning of shopping with her father and grandfather. She pranced around the house in her new outfits, looking radiant. Hannah looked so much like her mother that the resemblance was startling. Shane Jr. and Cage had grown up tall like their father, and though Amarantha had hoped that their pale skin would change into something a little more like Hannah's, they remained two ghosts that always laughed when Amarantha called them "Spook 1" and "Spook 2."  
  
The children loved their father so much, and Shane had been the best father imaginable. Shane Jr. had taken his death the hardest of the three, but that special bond between triplets affected all of them. They moped around the house for a few months after the funeral, hardly speaking a word except to each other in the special language they had developed when they were nine. It crushed Amarantha that she could not comfort her children, but she was in no state to be of comfort herself. For the first few months, Amarantha was like a walking shell of the person she had been. She never put on make-up or fixed her hair. There were dark circles under her eyes from endless sleepless nights. She was thinner than she had ever been because she rarely ate. Finally, Vince had to intervene for his daughter's health, and had called JP to come and try to help her.  
  
Amarantha half-smiled, playing with a blade of grass. JP had been the angel who came through in a time of unending darkness. They had remained close since the triplets had been born, and he was the only one who could talk to her during those dark days. He had patience and understanding, and slowly, he nursed Amarantha back to health into a flicker of the person who had existed before Shane's death.   
  
Oh, Shay, she thought, looking at the headstone. I miss you so much. I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I need you. I am nothing without you, Shay.  
  
  
  
  
  
She was back in the hospital, that cold place she had come to hate more than anything in the world. Once the doctors had found the cancer that was ravaging Shane's body, it was already too late. He had collapsed backstage at a Pay-Per-View in February and had been rushed to the hospital. That's when they had found the problem-cancer had developed in almost every part of his body, and it was slowly reaching his brain. Shane had always been so stubborn about going to the doctor. Amarantha would never forgive herself for not making him go when he first started feeling less than top caliber.  
  
When the doctors told her that he had maybe six months to live, Amarantha had passed out in the waiting room. Six months to tell him everything that I've never said, she had thought. Six months to see his children grow. He might make it to the triplets' 14th birthday, if he was lucky. He would never see Hannah go to her first high school dance and wait up to make sure that she was home safe the way he had for Amarantha so many years before. He'd never be there to teach the boys to drive or tell them about girls. He would miss so much, and it wasn't fair.  
  
She had cried in her father's arms until they let her go back and see him. Only one person could see him at a time, and Vince had insisted that she the first. Amarantha had nearly tripped running down the hall to his room, and she collapsed at his side once she was there.  
  
He lay there, as pale as the sheets behind him, with tubes sticking out of him and beeping machines that beat in a steady rhythm. He smiled down at her and took her hand in his.  
  
"Hey, sis," he whispered, his voice weak and ragged.  
  
Amarantha began to cry as she kissed his hand. "Oh, Shay."  
  
"I don't feel as bad as I look," he said, trying to smile. "This tube up my nose isn't all that comfortable, though."  
  
Amarantha laughed. Even as he lay there, facing a slow and painful death, Shane was making jokes. He had always been like that. When Amarantha's beloved pet cat, Rajah, had been hit by a car when she was nine, Shane had told her jokes until she burst into tears from laughing too hard.  
  
Suddenly, his face took on a more serious look. "So, what do they say? The doctor hasn't told me anything yet."  
  
Amarantha bit her lip. "It's bad, Shay. It's really bad."  
  
"How bad?" he asked, his voice cracking. He coughed so hard that it shook his entire frame. Once Amarantha had given him a drink of water, he looked at her imploringly. "How bad?"  
  
Amarantha sighed, fighting back tears. "Six months at the most."  
  
Shane closed his eyes, and his lower lip quivered as tears slipped out from beneath his lids. "That's not long enough."  
  
"I know," she whispered, squeezing his hand.  
  
"I won't get to see them grow up," he hissed, angry at the world for what was happening to him. "I won't get to see anything."  
  
"Yes, you will," Amarantha replied, rubbing his arm. "We're going to do so much in the next six months that you won't have a minute to sit down, I promise you."  
  
He opened his eyes and looked directly at her. "I love you, Amarantha."  
  
"I love you, too, Shay," she replied, then stood up and pressed her lips to his, recoiling at how cold they were.  
  
The nurses had made her leave shortly after that, saying that Shane needed time to rest. Amarantha walked back down the hallway, with slow deliberate steps, hugging herself tightly. She had so much to do. Shane wouldn't want to stay in the hospital, and she had to make arrangements to get the house ready. Shane had moved in with Amarantha and the triplets shortly after their joyous reunion at the triplets' fourth birthday party. They didn't rekindle their relationship, merely lived under the same roof as a family. The triplets had asked why Shane was their uncle and father when they were twelve. Amarantha tried to explain as best she could, and they seemed to accept it perfectly well. Only in this family, she had thought.  
  
As she approached the waiting room, the triplets came running down the hall to her.  
  
"Mom, what's going on?" Hannah asked frantically, her eyes red from crying.  
  
"Can we go see him?" Cage gushed, looking down the hall.  
  
Brandon hugged his mother before saying anything. "What's wrong with him?"  
  
Amarantha smiled at her children, put their hands together, and held them in hers. "Your father has cancer."  
  
Hannah burst into a fresh set of tears, burying her face in Cage's chest as he moved to hug her. "Is he going to be okay?"  
  
Amarantha fought back tears of her own. She had to be strong for them, if no one else. "No, honey, he's not. He's very sick. He's got about six months to live."  
  
The triplets' sets of identical dark eyes widened. Hannah sobbed even harder. Cage shook his head and gently stroked his sister's hair. Brandon stomped his foot.  
  
"What the hell do you mean he has six months to live?" he screamed.  
  
"Brandon, don't curse," Amarantha scolded.  
  
"Mom, that's not fair!" Brandon raged, throwing his hands up in the air. "That's just not fair!"  
  
"I know, baby," she coaxed, reaching for him.  
  
Brandon ripped away from her angrily, storming back through the waiting room, past Vince who looked up at him and shook his head.  
  
"Brandon!" Cage yelled after him. He and Hannah gave apologetic glances to their mother then ran after him.  
  
Amarantha put her head in her hands. This was only the start of the problems.  
  
  
  
  
  
Amarantha pulled the silver lighter that she had "borrowed" from Shane out of her purse and relit the candles on his grave that had flickered. She grabbed her cigarettes and lit one, drawing in deeply. She smiled.  
  
"I know you hate this, Shay," she said out loud, as though he could hear her. "You always hated this."  
  
Amarantha shook her head. There were clouds gathering overhead, and it looked like it might rain. Actually, it had been raining in Amarantha's life since the day Shane died. It didn't look as though it was going to be stopping soon.  
  
Amarantha looked at the things scattered around Shane's grave and tried to straighten things up a bit. The triplets had put flower arrangements saying, "Dad," each in their favorite color-purple for Hannah, of course, blue for Shane Jr., and red for Cage. There were pictures lining the base of the headstone, most of them of the family together. Amarantha's favorite was the picture of Shane just after X-Pac and Road Dogg had drenched him with a bucket of water backstage at one of the Raw tapings. Shane had been so pissed about that, but got his revenge the next night via a water gun. The random attack had turned into an all-out water fight, ending when Vince stepped in the path of one of JP's water balloons. He, like his son, did not like to get wet.  
  
She laughed out loud, the sound echoing across the empty cemetery. Some of the most fun times that she and the whole WWF family had were backstage when things got out of hand. Water fights were only the beginning. Once Amarantha had started a huge game of hide and seek, involving everyone. As it turned out, JP and DX were no good at hide and seek. Tori kept laughing, infuriating her comrades. Team McMahon always came out as the champions of the hide and seek tournaments. Shane, Stephanie, and Amarantha had years of experience, and Vince was an expert at finding people after so many rounds with his children.  
  
Amarantha picked up the picture of she and Shane at the company fund-raising ball, the one organized by Linda that benefited AIDS research. That had been one of the most wonderful nights of her life. In the picture, Shane, in his snappy tux, had his arm around her waist and was smiling broadly. Amarantha had always loved his smile. She wore a long, purple sequined gown that Shane had specially made for her. Everyone was so happy that night.  
  
Setting the picture back down on the headstone, Amarantha ran her fingers over the picture embedded in the stone. Vince had made sure that the picture be put there; it was his favorite. The patriarch of the McMahon family had taken the death of his only son just as hard as  
Amarantha had. He was nearly seventy, but looked as though he hadn't aged a day past fifty-five. Grief had taken a bit of a toll on him. After Shane's death, a memorial service was held at the live Raw taping as soon as everyone had sufficient time to grieve. Several of the wrestlers made beautiful speeches that left everyone in attendance in tears. The most touching thing had come from Duane, who dropped his Rock persona for the night, and remarked tearfully, "Shane always knew exactly what to say when there seemed to be no words to be spoken."  
  
After the memorial service, things went back to business. Vince threw himself into work to escape from the grief that plagued him. Everyone seemed to handle Shane's death well, except for the Boss and his daughter. Even Stephanie was doing well, though she spent most of her time at Linda's home in upstate Massachusetts. Stephanie ended up moving in with their mother shortly after the two-month anniversary of Shane's death. Amarantha rarely saw her, but spoke to her every week at the tapings and on the phone.  
  
Since the triplets reached the age that they could take care of themselves, Amarantha had spent more time being involved with the storyline. The crowd had welcomed her back, and Amarantha found a piece of joy that had been missing in her life since she had left. The storyline was becoming more complicated and entertaining by the day, and Amarantha loved her job. The triplets were as interested in the family business as Amarantha was at their age. She knew that they would want to be a part of the action before too long.  
  
Shane's death had an effect on all parts of Amarantha's life, especially her television appearances. She had made only a handful since his death. The memories that flooded back when she entered the arenas were too much to handle so soon. She hoped that she would be able to walk on to the stage without wanting to break down and cry one day, one day soon. For the time being, she had to work on getting her head clear, and that looked to take a while.  
  
  
  
  
"Mom, Cage won't let me watch my show!" Hannah's voice rang from the living room.  
  
Amarantha rolled her eyes, heading toward the sound of it. "I swear to God, you three, if you don't learn to compromise, I'm going to throw that television right out the window!"  
  
She came around the corner to find Hannah, Brandon, and Cage involved in an all-out rumble for control of the remote control. Amarantha knew better than to interfere with a McMahon triplets match. The three of them could be vicious. She merely stood by and watched, waiting for one of them to win. The fight was handicapped against Hannah, Brandon and Cage teaming up to win prize, the most coveted in the house.  
  
"Give it to me!" Hannah shrieked, checking the clock on the wall. "I'm going to miss the beginning!"  
  
"I don't care! You're not getting it!" Cage replied, holding the remote just out of her reach.  
  
Suddenly, Shane came around the corner, his eyes furious. He grabbed Cage by the wrist and easily pulled the remote from his hand. The triplets all stopped in mid-fight, looking up at their father.  
  
"Honestly, Cage, I'm disappointed in you," he said sternly. "You know that your sister only asks to watch one show during the week. I think you can be mature enough to let her watch it." He punched the channel into the remote, then put it in his pocket. "Now, you will sit here and watch this show with Hannah, and then the television is going off, and you three will find some other way to amuse yourselves."  
  
Shane ignored the protests and walked past them, heading toward Amarantha. She put her arm around his shoulder, and they walked toward the kitchen. They had only gotten a few steps before they heard commotion from the living room. Shane stopped dead in his tracks. "Cage, you sit in the chair," he shouted. "Sit in the chair on the OPPOSITE side of the room as your brother, Brandon, and Hannah, sit on the couch. If I come in there when that show is over, any of you has moved, you're coming to Titan with me."  
  
Amarantha smiled as she heard the three terrified gasps. Shane had learned the lesson that their father had taught them both-nothing was worse than a day at Titan. The only sounds coming from the living room were that of the television. They continued their way to the kitchen.  
  
Amarantha grew slightly worried as she felt Shane put most of his weight on her. "Shay, are you all right?"  
  
He nodded. "I'm just a little tired. That's all."   
  
"Have you taken your medicine today?" she asked, brushing the hair off his forehead.  
  
"Yes, but it just doesn't seem to be working," he replied.  
  
The entered the kitchen. "Maybe you need to reconsider going into work today."  
  
Shane sat down at the counter bar, shaking his head. "No, I've got to go in for a while. I'm so far behind with everything that I'll never catch up if I don't start now."  
  
Amarantha shook her head then opened the refrigerator. "Are you hungry?"  
  
"No, I'm all right," he answered, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Don't forget, you've got an appointment with Doc Bailey tomorrow morning," Amarantha said, pulling out the carton of orange juice and knowing better than to take Shane's word that he wasn't hungry. Orange juice had become an important part of his diet since the diagnosis. If he wouldn't eat, Dr. Bailey instructed Amarantha to give him orange juice.  
  
Shane pounded the counter with his fist. "Dammit, I already promised the boys that I would take them to see Dad."  
  
Amarantha poured the orange juice into a glass and slid it across the counter to him. "Don't worry about. I'll take them. They'll understand."  
  
He picked up the glass and took a sip from it. "Thanks, sis." He paused a moment, staring out the kitchen windows. "You know what the worse thing about the six month contract is?"   
  
Amarantha gasped inwardly. She hated when he called the prognosis the "six month contract." It made his illness sound like something trivial. "What?" she asked, hiding her disapproval.  
  
"Every time I can't do something, it means that I might never get the chance to do it at all," he replied, looking back at her. "I mean, if I don't take the boys to see Dad tomorrow, I could die tonight and never be able to take them again."  
  
Amarantha crossed her arms over her chest "Don't talk like that, Shay. If it bothers you that much, we can reschedule the appointment for some other day."  
  
Shane shook his head. "Ama, you've got to accept the fact that I'm going to die. You can't act like it's not going to happen."  
  
Amarantha put the orange juice back into the refrigerator, then turned back to him. "Shay, I'm not avoiding it. I just hate when you talk like this is your last day on the earth."  
  
"What if it is?" he snapped. "What if I never get to see Hannah do another handspring, or I never see Cage and Brandon put on their backyard circus again? What then?"  
  
Hot tears sprung to Amarantha's eyes. Shane had always been so proud of Hannah and her cheerleading, and Cage and Brandon worked for days at a time to put on their brainchild, the McMahon Backyard Bash each and every weekend. It was something that Shane looked forward to every week. Sometimes, Amarantha thought it was the only thing that kept him going. "Shay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" her voice trailed off as the tears slipped over her cheeks.  
  
Shane sighed and stood up from his seat, coming around the counter to wrap his arms around her. "I'm sorry, Ama. I didn't mean to upset you. I just get so frustrated sometimes. I hate living with that date over my head all the time."  
  
Amarantha put her head on his shoulder. "Me too," she whispered.  
  
"I promise, I'll stop talking like that," he whispered back to her. "We've still got a lot of time together."  
  
She nodded, pulling back from him. He smiled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Okay?" he asked sweetly.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine," she answered.  
  
"MOM!" The triplets all called from the living room. Amarantha shook her head and began walking toward the living room, Shane on her heels.   
  
Amarantha came around the corner as the triplets all scrambled to get back into their assigned seats. They gave her imploring looks not to tell their father. She smiled and nodded as Shane came around the corner behind her.  
  
"What's the problem now?" he asked, annoyance in his voice.  
  
"The show's over," Cage replied, slumped in the armchair.  
  
Shane shrugged. "Fine. Now go find something to amuse yourself."  
  
Brandon shook his head. "We want to do something first."  
  
Amarantha exchanged looks with Shane before crossing her arms over her chest. "What is it?"  
  
Hannah pulled the remote control to the stereo system out from behind her back with a devilish grin. She pushed the play button, and familiar music filled the air. The triplets beamed as Shane put his head in his hands, laughing. At the top of their lungs, Hannah, Brandon, and Cage all began singing.  
  
"'That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, aeroplanes, and Lenny Bruce is not afraid,'" they sang. It was the song that Amarantha hated most in the world, and the one that the triplets absolutely adored-"It's the End of the World As We Know It." They played it constantly, thanks to Shane who had always loved R.E.M, and it drove her absolutely nuts.   
  
Hannah jumped up off the couch and ran to her father's side, grabbing his hand. She pulled him farther into the living room. "Come on, Dad. You have to sing along. This is your song, after all."  
  
Shane shook his head and complied with his daughter's wishes. The whole lot of them began singing and dancing like idiots. Amarantha just started at them, amazed at how goofy Shane could be.  
  
"'Eye of a hurricane, listen to you churn-world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs, feed it off an aux speak, grunt, no, strengthy, ladder start to clatter to fear fight down height…"  
  
Cage stopped in mid-verse to look at his mother. "Mom, you have to sing, too."  
  
"I am not going to sing this stupid song," she replied. "You know that I hate it."  
  
"But it always makes you feel better," he bargained. "You know that it does. At least sing the chorus."  
  
Amarantha nodded, looking at Shane who was dancing with Hannah and had a silly grin on his face. It was the first time she had seen him happy in a while. She sighed, resigning herself to the fate of having to sing along as Cage grabbed her by the hands and started whipping her around the room.  
  
"'It's the end of the world as we know it…it's the end of the world as we know it…it's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine!'" the five McMahons sang, at the top of their lungs and horribly off-key.   
  
They were happy, for the moment  
  
  
  
  
The end of her world had come five months later; Shane's contract was up, and there was nothing any of them could do to stop it. Amarantha wiped the tears from her cheeks.  
  
"They haven't played that song since you've been gone, Shay," she whispered, flipping yet another finished cigarette into the grass. There was a sizable pile of them now, and Amarantha had to remember to pick them up before she left. Shane would hate to see them on his grave. "Cage just stares at the CD sometimes, but he won't play it. Sometimes, I wish he would. Can you believe I'm saying that? I actually want to hear that damned song."  
  
Amarantha sighed. She'd been sitting there for two hours, and before long, Vince would start to worry and come and look for her. She couldn't leave yet. There was still so much to say to him before she had to go.  
  
The sky had turned darker. Bad weather was definitely on its way. Amarantha brushed a piece of grass off her long black skirt. She slipped off her sandals and put them beside Shane's headstone. "You know, I thought that I saw you the other day at Titan. I was walking through the halls toward Dad's office, and I could have sworn it was you." She laughed. "Of course, it wasn't. I thought that I was going crazy."  
  
Maybe she was crazy and just didn't know it. The last four months had been a blur, with the occasional familiar face that she could recognize. They were months of pain and misery that Amarantha wished she could forget. In reality, she remembered every second of her last days with Shane…   
  
One day, she woke up and couldn't remember the way Shane smelled. He wore Polo cologne, but no matter how much of it she sprayed on her pillow, it just wasn't the smell that had become Shane's. People always said that after someone dies, you start to forget the little things. Amarantha had cried for two days when she couldn't smell Shane anymore. That was only the first thing. She could barely recall the sound of his voice-the clipped New England accent, the way he pronounced the "th" sound as "de", the way it sounded when he laughed. She had turned her room into a shrine to Shane so that she would never forget how he looked.  
  
The one thing that she knew she would never forget as long as she lived, as much as she had wanted to forget it over the years, was the way it felt to have him touch her. That night that would change their lives forever was permanently etched into her brain. His hands on her body, his hot breath against her skin, the way it felt when he was inside her…  
  
Tears fell from Amarantha's eyes as she was suddenly assaulted by feelings and emotions that she had kept locked up for so long, and secret from everyone…  
  
  
  
  
Amarantha poked her head into Shane's room. She couldn't sleep. She smiled as she saw him lying on his bed. He had fallen asleep on top of the covers, still fully dressed. She sighed looking at him in the moonlight. The day had been a particularly tiring one for him. They had taken the triplets shopping at the mall, and Shane had been forced to sit down and catch his breath more times than one. He sat in his recliner and watched Jeopardy with the triplets like he did every night, but went straight to bed after that.  
  
As she watched him lay there, Amarantha was troubled by news that she had received from Dr. Bailey. The cancer was spreading more quickly because they weren't doing any chemotherapy or radiation to slow it. There really wasn't a reason to do it. The cancer was so advanced, no amount of medication or treatment would help. If Shane didn't take care of himself, the six month contract could be shorter.   
  
"Ama," Shane said suddenly from the semi-darkness, "you're 32 years old. Don't you think you're a little old to still be sneaking into my room when you can't sleep?"  
  
Amarantha smiled. "Look who's talking, pops. Last I checked, you just turned the big 4-4." He didn't look a bit different, though, from the way he had looked when he was 32. A few gray hairs, an extra pound here and there, but for the most part, he had aged incredibly well.  
  
"Only more evidence to further my point," he replied. He lifted his head to look at her. "Get in here, you big baby."  
  
Amarantha bit her lip with a grin and slipped inside the room. She carefully shut the door behind her and tiptoed to the bed, her silk nightgown swishing around her ankles. Shane rolled over and made room for her, stretching out his arms. Amarantha climbed onto the bed, resting her head on his chest, and she sighed as she felt his arm go around her.  
  
"Do you remember the last time we did this?" Shane whispered.  
  
Amarantha rolled her eyes. She couldn't forget it as badly as she wanted to. "Yes, I remember."  
  
He chuckled. "You sound almost apprehensive when you say that. Afraid it might happen again, are you?"  
  
Amarantha shook her head. "No."   
  
"Me neither," he replied. "There hasn't been a day that I haven't wanted you, Ama, but I know better than that now. Jesus Christ, we were young then."  
  
"Tell me about it," she muttered, yawning.  
  
"Tired?" he asked, gently stroking her arm.  
  
"No," she replied immediately, knowing what he was trying to do.  
  
"Damn," he grumbled. "I thought that I might get out of singing to you."  
  
A bitter taste suddenly filled her mouth. "You never know, it might be the last time you ever do," she whispered softly.  
  
Shane immediately hugged her tightly to him, rocking her gently. Amarantha began to cry as he started to sing the song that would be their song for all eternity.  
  
If you could read my mind, love, what a tale my thoughts could tell  
Just like an old time movie 'bout a ghost from a wishing well…  
  
Amarantha awoke the next morning alone in Shane's bed. The smell of bacon hit her as she entered the hallway, and when she reached the kitchen, she was surprised to see Shane standing at the stove.   
  
"Shay, what are you doing?" she asked, squinting because of the bright light spilling through the kitchen windows.  
  
Shane turned around from the stove. He smiled at her. "I thought that I would make you some breakfast. The triplets have already gone to school. I told them not wake you."  
  
Amarantha yawned and sat down at the kitchen table at a place already set for her. "How are you feeling today?"  
  
Shane brought over a glass of orange juice after taking a quick sip. "I have never felt better. It's strange. Yesterday, I felt like shit the whole day, and today, I feel like I could move a mountain."  
  
Amarantha peered at him strangely. "That's good to hear."  
  
Shane crouched down beside her. "Ama, I want to apologize for last night. I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't think about what I was saying."  
  
Amarantha waved a dismissive hand. "Don't worry about it. I was tired, and I've been a little over emotional lately."  
  
"No, I'm really sorry," he repeated. "And I meant what I said about how I feel about you."  
  
Amarantha put her hand on his cheek. "I know, Shay. If only things were different."  
  
He bit his lip. "If only…"  
  
They stared at each other for a moment before both of them leaned forward and pressed their lips to each other's. Amarantha relished the feeling of his hands on her again after so long. She clawed at him like a woman who was desperate to be held, and he used all the strength he had to pick her up and put her on top of the table. With one swipe of the hand, Amarantha sent all the silverware and plates to the floor where they crashed in a broken mess. She didn't care.  
  
Shane kissed her hard on the mouth, and she locked her fingers in his hair as he fumbled with the buttons on his pants. She wanted him more than she had ever wanted anything in her life. It could be the last time he ever touched her, and she didn't want the goddamn six-month contract to keep her from being with Shane the way she was meant to be. Amarantha scooted to the edge of the table as Shane pushed her nightgown up around her hips. He entered her in a quick, hard thrust that sent her mind reeling. It had been so long, and it was just the way Amarantha had remembered it. She clung to him, never to let go again, as he entered and withdrew repeatedly. Amarantha used all her strength to pull him to her closer so he could go more deeply inside her. She began to moan, and her breath got short and quick. Shane's strength surprised her. He had seemed so weak the day before, but now, as she reached her climax, Amarantha looked up and saw a different man.   
  
When he reached his peak and emptied himself inside her, Shane breathed a heavy sigh then leaned forward and rested his head on her chest, breathing heavily. Amarantha ran her fingers through his hair, smoothing out the parts that she had put out of place. She felt him chuckling against her.  
  
"What's so funny?" she asked, her brows furrowed.  
  
He looked up at her with a grin. "I didn't know the six month contract included that in the fringe benefits."  
  
Amarantha rolled her eyes, and leaned forward and kissed him again.  
  
  
  
Amarantha looked down at her stomach. Her rounder than usual abdomen had been easy to hide under slightly baggy clothes, but soon the time would come that she would have to tell her father that Shane had left a little more than just memories behind him when he had gone.  
  
She had already decided the baby's name, having a distinct feeling that it would be a girl-Gabrielle Shay McMahon. The morning in the kitchen happened two weeks before Shane passed out at the McMahon estate and was admitted to the hospital, from where he would never leave and where he would spend his last days. He never knew that she was pregnant because Amarantha didn't have the heart to tell him that he wouldn't make it to see his second daughter being born. No one knew about it. It was her little secret.  
  
Amarantha could still feel chill she always got when she walked into Shane's hospital room. It was always kept dark because the light gave him a headache. Hospitals were always cold, but Shane's room was colder still. He always felt warm so the thermostat stayed on a steady 65 degrees, forcing Amarantha and Shane's other numerous visitors to bring jackets when they came to see him. Flowers and balloons had decorated the entire room, but did nothing to add cheer to the situation.   
  
How he had hated that hospital. Shane had wanted to stay at home, with a personal nurse, but the doctors-and Vince-would hear nothing of it. Because of whose son he was, Shane was given special treatment at the hospital. Amarantha and the other members of the immediate family were allowed to visit whenever they wanted, and Amarantha spent almost all day, every day beside him then went home and got a few hours of sleep when Vince came to watch over his son. She didn't like to be away from him for too long. If he died when she wasn't there…  
  
Amarantha shivered and shook her head. She couldn't let herself get caught up in the past. Dr. Bailey had told her that if she ever hoped to move past Shane's death, she would have to start living in the present, concentrating on the now and not the then. But it was the "then" that  
totally consumed her mind. There was nothing in the present that interested her, other than her children. She had never realized how just how much her whole life had centered around Shane, the way his had always centered around her, until he was gone.  
  
Suddenly, the words to a song she remembered from long ago floated into her mind. Somehow, music always managed to make her feel better or make her feel even worse. Once again, it was serving its purpose…   
  
And I never really sleep anymore  
And I always get those dangerous dreams  
And I never get a minute of peace  
And I gotta wonder what it means…  
  
Is this a blessing or is it a curse?  
Does it get any better, can it get any worse?  
Will it go on forever? Is it over tonight?  
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?  
  
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit  
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit…  
  
And there used to be such an easy way of living  
And there used to be every hope in the world  
And I used to get everything that I went after…  
  
Maybe I'm crazy and I'm losing my senses  
Maybe I'm possessed by your spirit or such  
Maybe I'm desperate and I got no defenses  
Can you get me a prescription for that one perfect touch?  
  
There was a time when nothing ever really mattered  
There was a time when there was nothing I didn't know  
There was a time when I knew just what I was living for  
There was a time and the time was so long ago  
  
And I never really sleep anymore…  
  
  
  
  
"Ama?" Shane asked suddenly.  
  
Amarantha's head shot up off the hospital bed as soon as she heard her name. She had fallen asleep with her head at the foot of Shane's bed. He was sitting straight up, totally awake. "What is it, Shay? Do you need something? Is something wrong?"  
  
"Ama, I want you to go home and get some sleep," Shane whispered. "It's three in the morning."  
  
Amarantha squinted at the clock just outside the door behind the nurses' station. "No, I don't want to leave you alone."  
  
"I'm a grown man," he grumbled. "I can be alone for a few hours, and I'll be all right."  
  
"I don't want to leave, Shay," she whispered. "I don't want to go home in case you…" She stopped, his eyes finding hers.   
  
He grabbed her hand. "Ama, I promise you. I'm not going to die just yet. I've got a while still left in me. Besides, I can't die until I tell you all this crazy shit that has been whirling around in my head. It would be a crime against God." He extended his pinky to her. "I promise."  
  
Amarantha shook her head. It had been literally years since they had pinky swore on anything. She locked it up, and kissed his pinky finger.   
  
He smiled. "Now, go home, get some rest, and come back tomorrow with Dad," he finished. "I'll see you then."   
  
Amarantha nodded, bent down and kissed him, then gathered her purse and walked to the door. She turned to look back at him. Under the dim lights above the bed, his hollowed cheeks gave him the appearance of a skeleton. She brushed the frightening image. "You pinky swore, Shay, and I am damn sure holding you to this one."  
  
He smiled and nodded. "I love you, Amarantha."  
  
She pressed two fingers to her lips and blew him a kiss. "I love you, too."  
  
Amarantha went home to an empty house. The triplets had stayed with their grandfather for the last week while Amarantha stayed at the hospital. Vince would be better equipped to occupy their minds with something other than the fact that their father was dying. As she opened the front door, an eerie sensation filled her. There was no one in the house, she knew, but it felt as though no one even lived there. The spirit and warmth that had always filled the house was suddenly gone. Nature knew that something wasn't right in the McMahon household, and they would never be right again once Shane was gone.  
  
She stripped out of all of her clothes and climbed naked into Shane's bed. The smell of him was on the pillow, and she breathed it in deeply, wishing that he was there with her instead of lying on a hospital bed with the life slowly draining out of him.  
  
Amarantha awoke the next morning, hating the unsettling silence that had fallen over the house. She showered and dressed quickly, anxious to get back to the hospital where she would be meeting her father and the triplets.  
  
As she exited the elevators on the ICU level, Amarantha saw a flurry of white coats running in the direction of Shane's room. Her heart began racing as she ran up the hall as fast as her wobbly legs could carry her. Please, no, she begged silently. She could see Vince and the triplets standing outside of Shane's room, peering through the glass with frightened looks on their faces. Doctor after doctor hurried into Shane's room, and she could hear them shouting frantically.  
  
Cage was the first to notice her as she approached the room. He tapped Vince on the shoulder, and he turned, looking as though he was ready to intercept her and keep her from entering the room.   
  
"What happened?" she yelled, bracing herself for the impact that she would feel when she collided with her father. He wasn't going to stop her from getting in to see Shane.  
  
"Princess…"  
  
"What the FUCK happened?" she raged, throwing down her purse and keys. She pushed past her father and crashed into the room, bumping into several doctors in the process.  
  
She nearly died herself as she watched the doctors prepare the paddles to shock a beat back into Shane's heart. The heart monitor had flat-lined, and everything was beeping. Amarantha barely felt the half a dozen pairs of hands on her trying to hold her back as she struggled to get to the bed.  
  
"You fucking liar! You can't die! You promised me you wouldn't die yet! You're not dead, and you're not going to die right now! Wake up, you fucking bastard! Wake up this goddamn instant!" she screamed.  
  
As soon as the last word left her mouth, there was a blip on the heart monitor…then another…and another until there was a slow, but steady heartbeat.  
  
"I got a rhythm!" the doctor in charge shouted, handing the paddles off to a nearby nurse. He rushed to Shane's side and pulled up his eyelids to shine a light in them. "He's in a coma," he announced gravely.  
  
Amarantha pulled free from the doctors' grips and ran to the bedside, collapsing beside it. She put her lips close to Shane's ear. "You better not fucking die on me, Shay, before you tell me about the crazy shit whirling around in your head. You pinky promised, and you've NEVER  
BROKEN A FUCKING PINKY PROMISE, and you're NOT going to start NOW!"  
  
"Miss McMahon, you can't be in here right now," the head doctor said, coming up beside her. "We've got to run some tests-"  
  
"Then run the goddamn tests, but I'm not leaving him. We can fight about it or you can just do your job and keep him from dying," she hissed, latching onto one of Shane's hands.  
  
The doctor sighed, but nodded, and ushered all the other doctors out of the room. Vince cautiously entered the room, leaving the triplets out in the hall. She heard him walk toward her and sighed when she felt his hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Tell the triplets that I'm sorry that they had to see that," she whispered softly. "Take them back to your house, please."  
  
"Princess…"  
  
"Daddy, please!" she pleaded, hard fought tears spilling over her cheeks. "I'm asking you to do this for me. He's not going to die before he says good-bye to everyone. I know it, Daddy, and I know him. As soon as he wakes up, I'll call you."  
  
"Princess, you know that there is a chance that he won't wake up, don't you?" Vince whispered softly.  
  
"He won't break a pinky promise, Daddy," she replied, squeezing Shane's hand. "He's going to wake up because he promised me, and he wants to say good-bye."  
  
Vince sighed. "All right, I'll take them home. I want you to call me as soon as he wakes up, do you understand?"  
  
Amarantha nodded. "I understand. Thank you, Daddy."  
  
He bent down and kissed her on the top of the head. "I love you, Princess."  
  
"I love you, too, Daddy," she replied.  
  
Vince leaned over and kissed Shane on the forehead. "I love you, son." He stared at Shane for a second, then shook his head and left the room.  
  
Amarantha pulled a chair up beside the bed and took Shane's hand in both of hers. She didn't move from that spot until that night when JP showed up and pulled her into his arms.  
  
"Oh, JP, we almost lost him," she whispered, hugging him tightly.  
  
"I know, darlin'," he replied, rubbing his hand on her back. "Vince called me and asked me to come down here."  
  
Amarantha put her head on his shoulder. "What am I going to do, JP? I'm nothing without him."  
  
"Ama, you've got so many people who love you," he answered softly. "You're not going through this alone. You've got your father, and your children, and you've got me."  
  
Amarantha pulled back to look at him. "Thank you so much for everything," she whispered.  
  
JP nodded, then pressed his lips gently to hers.  
  
"It's just like you to make a move on my sister when I'm in a coma," a ragged voice said suddenly.  
  
Amarantha ripped away from JP, turning back to the bed. Shane's eyes were open, and he was looking at them with a wide smile. She nearly fell on him, covering his face with kisses and tears. JP left without a word to go and call Vince and the doctors.  
  
"Oh, Shay, I knew you wouldn't die," she sobbed. "I knew you wouldn't break a pinky promise."  
  
"Hell, no," he replied. "I haven't broken one in 44 years. I don't think it's a good idea to start now."   
  
She laughed as the doctor came into the room. Shane squeezed her hand as she stepped away to let them work. She stood outside the room, looking through the window until JP returned with Vince and the triplets.  
  
Amarantha crouched down in front of the triplets who were all looking at her with wide eyes. "You have to go in and talk to your father now."  
  
"Mom?" Hannah asked, looking into the room. "Is he…"  
  
"You just have to go in and talk to him, okay," she repeated. "I know it might be hard, but you have to go talk to him."  
  
The triplets all nodded and filed into the room one behind each other as Vince pulled his daughter into his arms. "This is it, Daddy," she whispered. "We're about to lose him."  
  
"But we're not going to lose each other," he replied. "No matter how hard it is, you and I will always be there for each other."  
  
Amarantha nodded then put her head on her father's chest and watched her children say goodbye to their father. Vince went in after them, and it was the first time she had seen her father cry since the ER when the triplets were born. Vince was with Shane for a while, and when he came out, he gathered up the triplets and walked quietly back down the hall. JP went in and spoke to Shane. As Amarantha was entering the room, they knocked fists, and she saw JP wipe a tear from his eye. He gave her a wink as he passed.  
  
Amarantha took a deep breath. Shane was dying. What was there to say? What wasn't there to say? He waited patiently, just watching her, until she finally sat down beside the bed.  
  
"Ama," he whispered, taking her hand, "I want you to promise me that after I'm…that you'll be there for them, all of them. They need you."   
  
She nodded, beginning to cry. "But I need you," she whispered.  
  
Tears fell from Shane's bloodshot eyes. "I know, sis. I know." He swallowed. "For the longest time, I thought that God was punishing me for loving you. He made you my sister so I couldn't be with you the way that I wanted to, the way that it should have been. It's only now that I realize what he was really trying to do. He made you my sister so that I could love you in every way imaginable. That's how much I love you-with every kind of love that there is in the world."  
  
"Shay," she pleaded, the beautiful words he was speaking driving nails into her heart.  
  
"No, Ama, you've got to let me say this," he snapped. "I've been on this earth for 44 years. It doesn't seem like that long, but it's been long enough for me to be the happiest and luckiest man on the planet. I have everything that I've ever wanted. I am content."  
  
She put her head down, her tears falling on their clasped hands.  
  
"And even though I might be gone, I'm not going to leave you," he continued, squeezing her hand harder. "I'm never going to leave you. You'll never be alone. That's why we're not going to say good-bye because this isn't good-bye. It's only 'see you later' because I'm never going to leave you. For the next 100 years, you're never going to be alone."  
  
"Only 100?" she asked, choking back tears.  
  
He smiled. "A thousand then, a million…forever." He paused. "Did you know that your name means 'immortal?'"  
  
She shook her head. "I didn't know that."  
  
"Immortal," he repeated. "It's fitting, I suppose because I'm never going to stop loving you. I'm going to love you forever, and I'm going to be with you forever."  
  
"Pinky promise?" she whispered, prying her hand away from him and sticking it out to him.   
  
He smiled, but the twinkle was gone from his eye. "Pinky promise," he replied, intertwining his finger with hers.  
  
She left it there. "I love you, Shane."  
  
"I love you more, Amarantha," he replied.  
  
She felt him squeeze her pinky, and then suddenly, a new look washed over his face, and she actually felt the life seep out of him. First, from his pinky, then up his arm, until his entire body went slack, his eyes closed, and his arm fell to the side of the bed.  
  
Amarantha sat motionless. She couldn't call for the doctor. She couldn't even speak. Pulling her arms in, she leaned back in the chair and covered her mouth with her hands. She began to rock back and forth as the heart monitor flat lined, filling the room with its ear-splitting  
wail. The doctor rushed in, but he stopped short at the door.  
  
Tears began to roll over Amarantha's cheeks. He was gone. He would never open his beautiful dark eyes again. She would never hear him laugh. His arms would never be around her. And worst of all, he would never sing her to sleep again.  
  
Amarantha screamed.  
  
  
  
  
The first drops of rain began to fall as Amarantha took the last drag off her last cigarette. The sky was dark, and in the distance she could hear the first few rumbles of thunder. Somehow, the weather fit her mood.  
  
Suddenly, her cell phone rang. Amarantha pulled it out of her purse and answered it.  
  
"Princess, where are you? I was starting to get worried," her father said as she said hello.  
  
"I'm talking to Shane," she answered. "Don't worry. I'm fine."  
  
"Yes, well, hurry home when you are finished. This storm is going to be a bad one," he replied.  
  
"I will, and I love you, Daddy," she said nodding her head.  
  
"I love you, too, Princess," came the reply as Amarantha hung up the phone.  
  
She put the cell phone on the ground beside her sandals. Her father always worried too much. Amarantha sighed and reached into her purse again. She pulled out a cassette tape and put it into the battery-powered tape player she had brought with her to the cemetery. She had found the tape sitting on her bed when she got home from the hospital the night Shane had died. It was there, on the pillow, with a note in handwriting that she recognized immediately.  
  
"I meant it, Ama. Love eternally faithful, Shane."  
  
She played the tape and immediately broke down into tears upon hearing the words on it. Somehow, Shane had known when their last moments together would be. And like always, he somehow knew exactly what to say.  
  
She cast a look over her shoulder up the McMahon mansion. Her father was waiting for her. Amarantha took a deep breath, her eyes scanning the gravesite and all the pictures, flowers, and keepsakes neatly arranged on it. Shane's eyes watched her as she pushed play on the tape player and reached into her purse one last time. Relief spread through Amarantha's veins and into her blood-complete and utter relief.  
  
"Forever, Shane," she whispered as she put the pistol to the side of her head and pulled the trigger.  
  
Amarantha's lifeless body crumpled to the ground. Her cheek landed in the exact spot Shane's chest would be if he had been laying beneath her. Suddenly, the heavens opened up and a fierce downpour of rain battered the ground. With the sound of the thunder and squalling tires from the McMahon estate as its background, the song on the tape somehow played through, leaving its words in the air…  
  
I'm gonna hold you 'til your hurt is gone  
Be the shoulder that you're leaning on  
I'll be standing here  
For the next 100 years  
If it all should end tonight, I'll know it was worth the fight  
And we'll be standing here  
For the next 100 years  
  
I, when I think that I'm losing my mind  
It all comes back to you  
And you, you know that it's true  
After all we've been through  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
Stand by me, and I would gladly give up everything  
  
I'm gonna hold you 'til your hurt is gone  
Be the shoulder that you're leaning on  
I'll be standing here  
For the next 100 years  
If it all should end tonight, I'll know it was worth the fight  
And we'll be standing here  
For the next 100 years  
  
  
A week later, Shane's name and picture on the headstone were joined by those of Amarantha-with the unborn baby's name etched between them.  
  
~~*THE END*~~  
  
  
  



End file.
